The Absurdium

The pain was the first thing she became aware of. It seemed to be everywhere, assaulting her mind from all reaches of her body and from within her own head.

All was blurs and light.

There was a background drone, just confused noise as if the sounds were blurry too. Cicadas in the summer heat, but dulled as if through water.

The light faded. The pain persisted though. She tried to move, to get away from it, but could not. Now fear came suddenly, numbing some of the pain, and Mika became aware of another presence, one beyond her misery. She tried to call out but could not open her mouth. Was someone actually there? She was unsure and her fear and the horror of paralysis began to smother her. Mika could no longer tell if she was breathing. Panic swelled to engulf her mind.

Relax.

Be still. Become aware of your breathing. Focus inwards, not on your surroundings. Feel your chi passing through your body. Mika slipped into meditation and brought her mind under control. There really was nothing else she could do anyway. Patiently, methodically, she found and then ignored her pain, one source at a time. Slowly she pushed her awareness into her limbs, reaching further into her body and regaining a sense of presence inch by inch. She still had her arms and thighs, hands and feet although she could not seem to move any of them.

She continued to focus on reconnecting her body and drew her mind in around the pain in the side of her neck. It was like a small ball of fire, bright and hot; slowly the tension and pain dissipated as she dwelled upon it with an enrobing, calming energy. As it dwindled to nothing, Mika suddenly found herself standing in the rain. She was cold and shaking, her wet clothes clinging to her small body. Water ran down her face in rivulets and clung to her lips. The rain was so heavy that the air itself seemed to be liquid and she could barely breathe. She was standing over something, it lay at her feet between the growing puddles in the dirt road, obscured in the splashing mist of the pounding rain. A choking knot rose in her throat and she began to panic.

With a start Mika sat up, gasping for breath and grabbing frantically at her shirt. Instantly sunlight dazzled her eyes – blinded, she couldn’t see who stumbled away from her but she heard him curse and the distinct clatter of wood on stone. It wasn’t raining – she was in a bed. Her clothes were soaked and heavy with sweat and her body ached all over. Shielding her eyes from the glare Mika looked around her. From the windows in the western wall, large shafts of warm sunlight sliced through the dust-filled air. Someone lay in the bed to her right and people were crowded around it, murmuring. Mika barely recognised the inside of the dormitory; familiar though it was, it seemed alien cleared of its usual tight rows of cots and bedrolls and the bustling throng of students. The stone floor had been swept clean and the shutters in the windows were all thrown wide open. The few beds that remained were stacked hastily against the far wall. One bed however remained in the far shaded corner with an occupant whom she couldn’t discern.

She sat for a moment watching dust particles glow into and out of existence as they drifted idly through the sunbeams. A young man seemed to materialise from the recesses of the room as he crossed into her pool of light and righted a wooden chair beside her bed. With a spreading smile he gently picked up her hand as he sat down.

“Hi,” said Mika softly.

“You scared the hell out of me when you woke up,” he replied, unkempt black hair falling about his face, framing his wide, clear smile. “How do you feel?”
Mika eased herself slowly back down onto her pillow, and massaged her temples with her free hand, trying to ease the vice that seemed to be grinding ever tighter on her skull. She gazed into the wooden timbers above her bed.

“Like I fell down the cliffs of Mount Yulong and landed on my neck,” she finally replied, “and then was abused by elephants.”

He laughed lightly and squeezed her hand in response, and Mika turned her head to look at him, ignoring the pain that shot through her neck. His soft, dark eyes held hers and she felt her face blush. He really was beautiful – with high, proud cheekbones, a dark complexion and that disarming smile, even his crooked nose, broken years ago in training, added to the look. It was a face worthy of marble, and even the greatest sculptors in the Empire would be challenged to render its likeness.

She looked away quickly but could think of nothing but his face. She stared again at the ceiling for a time, trying to gather her feelings. Finally, she looked back at him with a smile ready, but his face had changed, it was suddenly wooden and cold and he was staring distantly into her bedding.

“Li died,” he whispered, barely audible. Mika felt her insides twist into a knot.

“We couldn’t save him.”

Mika squeezed her hands into fists and tears welled in her eyes. She let go of Fong’s hand and turned away from him. She realised suddenly that Li’s body was what, not who, was in the bed to her right, the people gathered around it were mourning and praying. Tears poured from her eyes as her physical and emotional pain overcame her and those near her were courteous enough to pretend not to hear as she muffled her sobs in her soaking pillow.